I don't have a problem with tits and a vagina

The following was previously a response to a post in a Facebook group.
If you haven't watched "Doctor Who", then just stop reading now. This would just be absolutely meaningless to you. Seriously.

If you are mad enough to continue - the latest kerfuffle in that show (which I have been watching and reading since I was about eight) is that the lead role has just been converted into a female character. Yes, that is the latest problem.

It's kind of like the Trump thing, isn't it? Throw up lots of outrageous minor controversies, continually burying the fact there are much bigger fundamental problems underlying it all.

The original post was:
Doctor Who Facebook post

I have had a particularly exhausting and unpleasant New Year's/Eve. And have been asking myself why I keep bothering to play other peoples' games. So, I responded.

Second post

Sanity. Madness. I do not flatter myself that I have any particular insights into these things, specifically; even if the last few months of my life have left me wondering.

But I've been a "Doctor Who" fan for almost four decades and I have just had enough of this shit and society as a whole. Because I think most of you are the fucking mad and stupid ones; and this mere television show is just yet another microcosmic example of the whole.

(... this is aimed at every person who thinks the new series is beyond criticism)

I think this "insanity" point was never deliberately played up again and again and repeatedly as a phrase to be quoted by all the young fans, posted on Instagram, plastered all over merchandise to be characterised, across the Tennant / Smith / Capaldi regenerations as a "mad man with a blue box".

And on top of that, has nobody in your school system ever pointed out to you that pointing out a flaw in Example B doesn't excuse or justify the flaw also being in Example A?

With Tom Baker's reign, at least we had lines like

"How do 'e know so much?"
"I read a lot."
- Mrs Tyler and the Doctor, "Doctor Who: Image Of The Fendahl"
"Well if you don't understand heads, you shouldn't go about hitting them!"
- The Doctor, "Doctor Who: City Of Death"
"You're working for a madman, you know?"
"He pays well."
- The Doctor and Scorby, "Doctor Who: The Seeds Of Doom"

If you think I'm wrong and you need to post-rationalise to tell me I'm wrong, think about THIS quote:

"You know, the very powerful and the very stupid have one thing in common: they don't alter their views to fit the facts, they alter the facts to fit the views. Which can be uncomfortable, if you happen to be one of the facts that needs altering."
- The Doctor, "Doctor Who: The Face Of Evil"

And if you're still gonna even THINK of getting mad at me, then think about THIS "Doctor Who" quote:

"His first impulse will be to kill me. It'll be more important to him than anything else."
"Does he hate you that much?"
"Yes, because I contradict what he thinks is real. I'm a threat to his world."
- the Doctor and Leela, "Doctor Who: The Face Of Evil"

You know what I want to see come back to Doctor Who? A bit of intelligence. Fuck every single person who says "but it's a kids show". Fuck every person who says "but it's just a TV show, chill out". Have a look at this Tom Baker quote:

"You know, I had a feeling that Neeva was actually expecting to hear an answer to his prayer."
"There wouldn't be much point in praying if you didn't."
"I could quote you a few theologians who'd give you an argument on that."
- the Doctor and Leela, "Doctor Who: The Face Of Evil"

Or how about moral examinations?

"To exterminate a life-form... to know that just by touching two wires together, I have the power of life and death over an entire species... do I have that right?"
- "the Doctor", "Doctor Who: Genesis Of The Daleks", 1975

And you know what the Moffat/BBC/"Doctor Who Today" answer is to that?

"Yes! Duh: how are you going to look cool when you're agonizing about stuff? In fact, not only should you broadcast an order to commit genocide against creepy-looking aliens, you should turn your sonic screwdriver into a gun so that you can help your love-interest slaughter as many of them as possible on the way out. Then, once she's good and hot from all the killing, cop off with her while dramatic music plays in the background and the viewers cheer like the shit-eating battery animals we all know they are. Haven't you seen any action movies? Get with the programme, granddad!"
- former "Doctor Who" writer Lawrence Miles, writing about the 2011 episode "Doctor Who: The Day Of The Moon", <http://beasthouse-lm2.blogspot.com.au/>

And you know what? That's me picking ONLY, restricting myself to ONLY the quotes from the Tom Baker Doctor you decided to mention.

What have we gotten from the new Moffat-is-a-fucking-thief shit series? A token comment in the Library episode about being armed because they had books (which they NEVER ACTUALLY USED. And how many of you actually noticed that?).

Otherwise, it's shit like

"Huh. So, that Doctor, eh?"
"What are you talking about?"
"Well. Madame de Pompadour. Sarah Jane Smith. Cleopatra."
"Oh, Cleopatra - he mentioned her ONCE."
"Yeah, but he called her `Cleo'."

Or wow, let's be even more obvious.

"No, no, no, that's the TARDIS translation circuits, just makes it look like English. Speech as well, you're talking Latin right now."
"Uh huh."
"I just said 'seriously' in Latin."
"Oh yeah."
"What if I said something in actual Latin? Like, 'Veni, vidi, vici'? My dad said that when he came back from football. If I said 'Veni, vidi, vici' to that lot, what would it sound like?"
"I'm not sure. You have to think of difficult questions, don't you?"
- the Doctor and Donna, "Doctor Who: The Fires Of Pompeii", 2008

Look at that. An episode where the human, before any of that DoctorDonna rubbish, was already vastly more intelligent and curious than the Doctor.

So, you know what? A female lead in the show is not the worst thing that could've happened because the worst fucking thing has already happened.

You know what? In the years between series, the story continued with novels and audios. And in those, a completely different Time War happened, where the Daleks were a joke, the Enemy was terrifying and the Time Lords were desperately raiding their own future for weapons to use and the Time Lords were deliberately regenerating themselves into completely alien forms to fight the battles.

So, you know what? Don't try picking on the old series for having a few mad moments, when it's the BBfuckingC currently deliberately pushing the whole "the Doctor is mad" line.

And why is this happening? Because Steven Moffat, allowed by the BBC, is a shit and odds are Chibnall will be no better. This is the kind of shit he's said:

"When I look back at Doctor Who now, I laugh at it fondly. As a television professional, I think ‘How did these guys get a paycheque every week?’. Nothing from the black and white days, with the exception of the pilot episode, should have got out of the building. They should have been clubbing those guys to death. You’ve got an old guy in the lead who can’t remember his lines. You’ve got Patrick Troughton, who was a good actor, but his companions – how did they get their Equity card? They’re unimaginably bad. Once you get to the colour stuff some of it's watchable, but it's laughable. Mostly now, looking back, I'm startled by it."

And what's the result?

Stephen Moffat seems to have decided that the best way to write Doctor Who is as a series of fairy stories for young girls. Thus, you have a very young actor playing the Doctor as Harry Potter, the Sonic Screwdriver is his magic wand (just what does it do, anyway? everything?) and nearly every episode ends with a deus ex machina, where the Doctor claps his hands together and everything going back to normal, the whole thing explained away with some timey-wimey gibberish.
- from the Slashdot discussion forum "Review: Star Trek: Into Darkness", <http://entertainment.slashdot.org/comments.pl?sid=3761133&cid=43757935>


Tell me about sanity and goggle-eyed smiles.

Tell me you don't like what I'm saying.

Tell me "if you don't like it, you should leave".

I fucking well did.

Two days ago, I scrolled through pages and pages and pages of the "Doctor Who Today Facebook Group" feed and thought to myself... "no. This is inane. This is meaningless, there's no thought here, there's no clever speculation, there's no discussion of the concepts (of course there isn't, the show is hardly introducing any), there's no talk of the consequences for the wider Doctor Who Universe given that something previously inconceivable has happened".

Because the worst has happened. One of the brightest, smartest, cleverest, most insidious, subversive, intelligent, inspiring television shows ever has been turned into another fucking shit-sausage grinder.

And Russell Davies even threw in a fucking line that says it clearly.

"And no-one's gonna stop you, because you've bred a human race which doesn't bother to ask questions. Stupid little slaves, believing every lie. They'll just trot right into the slaughterhouse if they're told it's made of gold."
- the Doctor, "Doctor Who: The Long Game"

And I thought, "I've had enough. I'm not gonna bother making the big flouncey declaration and having everybody say 'well just leave then, we don't fucking want you'". I just quit.

And for some unfathomable reason, the Peter Capaldi account decided to pull me back in. He went and re-added me and I still have no idea why.

Well, this is what you get. The thing that any group needs in order to not become a self-reflective, self-feeding, incestuous, meaningless, modern-day Narcissus thinking the television is its own mirror.

Here's your "Doctor Who" quote to try making you get the point:

"He does not conform."
"Of course. He is a philosopher. A doubter. We need doubt. It's the greatest intellectual galvaniser."
- Persuasion and Monarch, "Doctor Who: Four To Doomsday"

Just think, for a minute, as to why you should take a minute to listen to what I'm saying.

"The rotating pig had begun to take on a crisp brown colour, wafting succulent smells over to the table where they sat. But the Gallifreyan temperament tends to see the world from the other person's point of view: the Castrovalvans were looking forward to their feast, as well they might after all the hard work they had put into it, but the Doctor's natural sympathies lay with the pig, which was not coming out of this at all well."
- "Doctor Who: Castrovalva", novelisation by Christopher Bidmead

So, I don't have a problem with somebody with tits and a vagina playing the Doctor. I've already read far, far, far more fascinating and different storylines in the "Doctor Who" universe.

The show's already undergone far, far, far worse. And what makes it even worse is the "human race which doesn't bother to ask questions. Stupid little slaves, believing every lie. They'll just trot right into the slaughterhouse if they're told it's made of official BBC merchandise".

`Interviews have cited Moffat as saying that he doesn't want to be remembered as the man who broke Doctor Who, but some of us would argue that he already did break it, even if we didn't notice it at the time. The moment of doom was "The Girl in the Fireplace", a story which - while quite good in itself, at least when the author's concentrating on robots, time-travel, and other things he pretends not to care about when there are women looking - changed our expectations of what the series is meant to be by playing to much the same audience as Twilight. From that point on, the Doctor was damned to a life of fetishism and well-groomed heroics. From that point on, he had to be young, cute, athletic, and godlike. Oh, and tragic. However unconvincing or repetitive the tragedy may be, he positively has to be tragic.'
`Doctor Who taught me to be interested, xenophiliac, and prepared for strangeness of all magnitudes. Throughout its history - and this even applies to the best of the twenty-first-century episodes, before Big Russell started writing it for the BAFTA awards panel rather than intelligent children - it's been closer to Oliver Postgate than The Matrix. Yet now it's in the hands of a producer who's as arrogant as I've occasionally pretended to be and as cynical as I could never be, who deliberately overruled his own instincts and cast the silliest possible actor as the leading man, purely so he could continue his own mad campaign of pretend-populist squee. He sneers at Bagpuss, which is at least as bad as jesting at scars. Matt Smith has been given a demographically-tailored Quirky-Yet-Somehow-English costume, to make sure everyone feels comfortable accepting this as the same mass-produced product we got in the Tennant years, while the 2010 series has (it seems) been carefully stripped of any new or peculiar features and involves episodes written by the authors of "Exit Wounds", "The Idiot's Lantern", and Love Actually.'

And do you know how long ago we saw this coming? Do you know when this fate was cast? Twenty-two years ago.

'Whenever anyone talked about the possibility of America doing "Dr. Who" (especially after BBC cancelled the show), people would joke, "Oh, right! They'd add car chases and gun fights and the Doctor would fool around with his companions!" Then they'd have a hearty laugh at these stereotypes of Hollywood, confident that they were being sarcastic and, if it ever DID happen, certainly people involved with the show would try to preserve the sensibilities of the series. That'll show 'em for over-estimating the intelligence of our media!'
- Michael Hutchison, The Internet Movie Database User Review 10 August 1998 of the BBC / FoxUSA "Doctor Who (The Enemy Within)" co-production, <http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0116118/reviews?ref_=tt_urv>

You probably haven't made it this far through this rant, have you?

I understand why. You don't WANT philosophy, doubt or intellectual galvanics, do you? You don't want xenopilia and strangeness, do you? You don't want to think, do you?

You want the conformity. You want the comfort and the mass-produced product, you want the new or peculiar stripped out. You want "Twilight".

You want to just trot right into the slaughterhouse, told it's made of gold.

Happy fucking new year.